two days away from new year

i just came back from taiwan about one week ago. the one month holiday i spent in taiwan fly pass like a dream. it feels as if i have not been back to taiwan. and suddenly i have to deal with the emotions of home sick and getting used to living alone all over again. i am lucky to have many loved ones by my side in singapore. although they cant exactly replace my family, i am thankful for their love and concern. my holiday in taiwan has been a peaceful one. i sleep, eat, read comics and watch tv most of the time. now i am back in singapore. somehow i feel rather peaceful. far away from the stress and frustrations caused by exam and endless projects. as i was showering just now, a thought came into my mind. that is: i am very happy now. this is the happiest moment in my life. i guessed i am contented right now. there are many ups and downs in my life. too much for me to take. sometimes i wonder will i ever have a good life. coz i feel as if i will never have one. actually i kept all my sorrows and sadness in a little box and hide it in a corner of my heart where nobody will find it. i wonder if one day i can cry everything out. at least for now those emotions cannot hurt me, and i am happy. thank God for that. wish all my loved ones are safe and warm right now.

... ...

my birthday is just around the corner. so fast one year has passed... i feel very empty and lost right now.

have hope...

have faith...

13th September

yesterday is my dear's birthday. my heart feels like the picture above when i see him smiles very sweetly at his birthday cake. i wish him all the best wishes in the world and i am very happy to celebrate his birthday with him and his family.

one sunday... ...

sometimes i just feel so tired and lonely...

Finally...

tmr is the last project deadline for this month. i hope i can feel happy and free after that.

dance concert

yesterday i went to watch a hip hop dance concert at ntu with two of my dearest friends. i never expect anything much from the dance concert since i dont dance and i dont know anyone who is performing. nevertheless, i had been looking forward to meet my friends because they bring great joy to my life and im always happy to spend time with them.

in the end, im very touched and inspired by the dance concert. this concert was performed in the memory of their dance club ex-president. i heard somewhere, something goes like this: the value of a person is not measure by his wealth. instead, it is measure by the number of people attending his funeral. although i dont know the boy who passed away, i can tell from the dance concert that he must have been one of the nicest person ever existed.

during the dance concert, for the first time in my life, i felt that i have not been doing myself justice in all these years. it was as if im looking at myself and my life from a third party's perspective. it suddenly occurred to me that, "hey! i dont deserve to be treated this way! why should i live my life so miserably?"

the lesson i have learnt during the dance concert is to live life to the fullest. i must always remember that. for life is short. and yes, the ntu hip hop dance concert was fantastic!!!!!!!!

Night and stars

are they people carrying lanterns or are they stars?

i see they are people carrying lanterns. but i would like to see from the other point of view that they are stars. i think it will be interesting if i can manage to see that as well. haiz... there are so many ways to interpret things. sometimes when i am happy and brimming with love(can be all types of love), i feel like being the nicest person in the world and tend to see everything through rose colour glasses. as a result, i may say or do things which are overly nice. it is a nuisance because sometimes i am over the limit. then i will start to feel bad about myself. hm... basically, i think i said something stupid just now.

just a random thought: wish i can do something to make myself feel happy tmr!

I want chocolate!!

haha, just remember, i received chocolate as my birthday gift once. i craved for chocolate last night while i was doing my project and i set a reminder in my handphone to buy chocolate today. but i still forget about it. no wonder when i was buying tissue at cold storage this afternoon, i had a feeling that i have forgotten something. the chocolate in the picture is the type that i have been craving for... it is so chocolate chocolate!! :D...

by the way, while i was queueing up at the cashier for my tissue, an empty handed caucasian guy behind me took out a S$1000 note and told me that he has problem changing it into small notes. i smiled and told him that maybe he can try at the money changer. then he looked surprised and smiled and said, "you know, that's really a very bright idea, you know!" then he went off. but he stopped again to ask a cold storage auntie. and the auntie took his S$1000 note and went to change it for him. i am happy that i was able to help a bit. i find joy in helping people. maybe i can be a personal assistant in the future. hm... it has been a long time since anyone says i am bright...

girl...

this is one of my favourite cartoons. i almost used up half of a box of tissues in my neighbour's house when i watched it in primary one or two. this little girl reminds me of myself and yet her life is a tragedy. sometimes i dislike myself for what i have said or done and other times i simply feel sad and lonely. often, i wonder if i can ever go back to the way i used to be and i feel sad.

national day firework!

it is great! it looks as if the sky has exploded in a very beautiful way. but it wont be great without two of my dear friends to share it with me! i was very touched. firework always reminds me of life and brings hope back to me. maybe this is the reason why i live/exist; because every morning when the sun goes up, everyone has a chance of bumming into something wonderful!

i have found a little prince... ...

would anyone of you like to have the little prince as your boyfriend?

can't sleep well...

i had a nightmare last night. i dreamt that i was being chased by a monster. and then i skip my lecture this morning. it's just too much for me to take. i need an escape. when i wake up, one of my eyes is red. but i think nobody cares anyway. it's just the beginning of another lonely day.

i am glad to meet one of my best friends in the afternoon. i feel secured and calm when she is with me. for very long, my life has been like trapped inside a whirlwind where i have no control. but she has brought a moment of serenity to it. thank you, my dearest friend. i miss you! and i will surely miss you a lot when you go to the states.

I am stressed!!

this semester has so many projects and many of their deadlines are so close! i feel that i wont be happy anymore until all these are over. i feel as if i cant breathe normally. it is as if i am under water and the water pressure is squeezing my body and my lungs from every angle.

a bad start to my saturday...

i was feeling a bit sad and a bit angry at the same time just now. i am ok now... just showered and thus feel more calm about the whole incident.

to cut the story short(sorry, still end up quite long):
1. my friend and i went to holland village to eat breakfast just now.

2. we were eating at CJ.

3. i suddenly discovered a visible pink lipstick mark on the glass before i drink the chinese tea.

4. i asked for a replacement. an auntie came. took the glass away and gave me a new one. (no one apologises for that dirty glass).

5. this time i am more careful, i look at the glass before i drink it. there turn out to be(er... i hate to say this...) a lot of whitish residues inside the glass, sticking to just about 1/4 below the rim.

6. this is totally disgusting!!! and i hate to do it. but i asked to change my chinese tea to coffee. as i had ordered their breakfast set and it comes with either chinese tea or coffee. (anyway, none of the staffs apologise to me for the two very dirty glasses at all...) i felt as if i was a difficult customer trying to create troubles for the aunties.

7. i apologised softly to the auntie for the trouble i had caused her as she gave me a cup of coffee. it is not really my choice you know; i already had vanila latte yesterday!!

8. i thought my friend wanted ginger so i waved for an auntie to serve us. it was my mistake. my friend was just looking dazed because of sleepiness. i apologised to that auntie when she appeared.

9. i asked for the bill. the same auntie went to print it for me. (it is my mistake... i told her that we did not used the wet tissue when she was about to pass the bill to me.) she went around to reprint a new bill. i think she look a bit angry. i felt sorry. if i had known that it takes so much trouble for her, then i wouldn't mind paying like $1 for the wet tissues.

10. i took out 5 pieces of $2 and 2 pieces of $10. because i was a bit sleepy and my mind kind of like cannot think. so when she passed me the bill, which is $25.42. i gave her all the notes. and she walk away and said:"$26!"

11. i was stunned... er... i remember i gave her $30 leh!! anyway, i was too tired and sleepy to chase after her and clarify. i chose to trust her. surely she knows she is taking away $30 right?

12. she returned with $2.58 change fo me. but on the receipt it types that i had given her $26!! well, either i had given her $26 or $30, the change is not right!!! i was er... speechless. i passed the change and reciept for my friend to check. because this whole thing is too absurd to me!!!

13. that auntie looked annoyed and irritated, she gave me the "what's your problem this time again?!" look

14. my friend also said that the change is wrong.

15. that auntie gave the receipt and bill a glance and said that it is $28 and not $26 in a very matter of fact way, as if my friend and i are stupids who can't read the numbers on the receipt!! er... what's wrong with her?

16. i took a careful look at the receipt. it printed $26 wah!

17. i don't have the guts to argue with her. and i wouldn't want her or any other people working there to get a scolding just because i might have paid $2 extra.(which i also not very sure, given the blur image i had these days) well, according to my friend afterwards, it was either 5 or 4 pieces of $2, cannot be just 3 pieces.

18. i left with my friend. and i felt depressed. i hated myself for being so blur and had the blur look sometimes so some people may think i am an easy target.

hopefully this will put a stop to my nightmares...

clarawwwww:
1. hm... i forget already... think is because we needed a group of five members for our first project. :p
2. pink, hip hop n cookie monster!!
3. saved my life a few times, haha... cant live without you!!!
4. hahaha, i freak you out by almost passing out at taka...
5. cookie monster!! hahaha
6. hm... i want to see you dance once, can can?
7. your big one eye photo! very hard to forget one leh...

dramaqueen(as per requested):
1. hm... a bit better memory this time... well... i remember you were sitting beside wei qin in computer lab. thought you were a reserved traditional chinese girl... but turn out... YOU CAN NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!!!!
2. white... NYDC... Fish & Co... n so many other nice food :D... last but not least... "BAO" that's what you are famous for anyway! :p
3. you are a very friendly person, the more i hangout with you, the more adorable you seem. but you have declared proudly that you are an anti-social. so contradicting!! well, it makes you all the more interesting and exciting to hangout with!!! :) oh ya, i like you pink rosey cheeks too! :D
4. haha, i can never forget the cockadoodledoo in you house!! hm... ya... and nice recliner chair too!!
5. Carol... and the latest, "McDull!" ^oo^
6. haha, why your cheeks always turn rosey pink and you always appear "SO HOT"??
7. oh no... i don't know... really... oops!! don't kill me, pls!!!

tyre(hehe... you are not here, too bad...):
1. i remember you walked down the stair of the LT the way you always walk one kind... hm... and you were introduced to me by hm... either wei qin or claraw or yl???
2. black, red and white. MUSE. motorola. actually think you are kind of "cool!" like got style one leh...
3. you are very sweet and empathetic. you are a very good listener too! and i can always count on you to help me scold, you know who, together and share my relationship problems with you... hehe...
4. oh... you cried a few times... nevertheless, you are very adorable.
5. GOC. *chuckles*
6. hm... last time i have always been wondering why such a nice girl like you don't have a boyfriend. now, the question has changed to; have you kiss GOC yet? ;)
7. oh well, it's the muse tattoo you have made. :)

noelle:
1. i remember you were sitting with dramaqueen in the computer lab at the last row. it's our first day so i tried to be friendly and make friends with you and dramaqueen. haha, maybe it's fated. :p ya, i remember you said that i was kia su by buying all the textbooks on our first day! haha, and i had been struggling in trying to bring all the textbooks with me wherever i go!
2. black and purple. yay! purple rain!! musical notes and long necklace.
3. you reminds me of a mother figure, even though you are younger than me, haha. and you are very responsible and understanding! :)
4. woo~hoo~ you have lost your handphone in the girl's toilet... so misfortunate... and the same thing happened to me about half a year later too!! what's with toilets and handphones? can't they go well together? :(
5. little miss giggles!! hehe... you look so cute in that t-shirt! :D
6. why you like black so much ah??
7. sorry, didnt recall seeing you online leh...

yeah! my first post!

Comment and I shall...

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Associate you with a character/pairing.

6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

7. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.

8. In return, you must post this in your LJ (or blogspot or whatever blogs you have!).